Being a Southern girl, I make cornbread. And quiet often. Now I learned from my MIL to use buttermilk instead of regular ol’ 2%. Buttermilk is NOT something I keep on hand- or even think about having. YUCK!!! (I don’t know, maybe you like it but not this chick. I don’t even like milk. Well, I do like almond milk but that’s another story for another day. My husband wants to know how they milk the almonds. HA!!!)
So to fix this big dilemma I put vinegar in milk. Yep, it works. It makes the cornbread soooo yummy!
I tell of my cornbread adventures because while I was making the “buttermilk” the other day I had an epiphany. My life right now is like this buttermilk. Mostly good but with a little bit of vinegar that changes EVERYTHING. That one tablespoon affects almost every aspect: color, taste, smell, etc. It’s changed.
Now how I look at the change must morph along with the change itself. I’m on board whether I want to be or not. It’s as if I accidentally boarded the wrong plane. Even if I don’t want to go, I’m going so I might as well hold on tight for the ride.
This is an ongoing battle I have. I take so many unexpected detours it’s not even funny. I DON’T WANT TO GO!!!!!! I WANT TO STAY WHERE I WAS.
I must go to grow. I must try to fly.
Just as the vinegar changed the milk, the pain has changed me. My “happy” is not as strong as it once was because now the same space has so much pain in it as well. The pain has become a constant companion I do not wish to have but, nonetheless, there it is.
I continue to have joy in my life but now it’s always tainted with the pain. I must remember that just as I purposely changed the milk for a better cornbread, God made me. He took my regular ol’ life and added the pain. As buttermilk makes the cornbread better, God is using this new version of me for His good, too.
I don’t know what is out there waiting for me but He does.