Smiles and laughter do not equal pain free. They do not mean I am not in pain right now as I smile and talk to you.
I hate having to explain this over and over and over!
The choice is not always mine. Sometimes the pain wins without me ever stepping onto the field. Often I feel like I am forced to watch life on the sidelines. Not just life but my life. But then there are the days when the pain lets up a little and I feel like joining the game. In my family I’m like that beat up player that’s pretty dang good when he’s not hurt, he often gets taken out on a stretcher, but you’re still rooting for him because the team needs him. That’s me!
What can’t be seen from the stands is my wince. Yeah, I’m out here catching the ball, loving every minute of it, but it hurts. I’ll pay for it later. I’ll be iced up in the locker room while people talk about how I must not be “that hurt.” Sometimes for days after I am useless to my team- my family.
Like all people suffering from chronic pain, I must choose what is worth it— What is worth the pain? So when you see me out smiling and laughing, I know inside that there will be a locker room with ice packs waiting but I am here anyway.
Often, you will see me watching from the bench. And then it breaks my heart when I have to stay at home as the team travels just to be told about the game later. It is an understatement to say these are not my favorite alternatives. Sometimes I make a choice to set out a game or event trying to insure I get to play in a bigger game coming up. Or without my vote it may simply be a demand of my body.
Whether on the field, on the bench, or at home in bed this is my life! The only one I get. There are no next games or seasons so when you see me limp out onto the field know that I’m doing the best that I can today. Sometimes my smile is bigger and sometimes my limp is worse but I have a smile with my limp because God gave me something to fight for everyday-my family!